Struggle is not good, I am not saying that life should be completely care free. I like challenges, and sometimes I think that the things I do push me further into places that sometimes I feel so tangled up in, I don’t know how to dig myself back out of. I also believe, that the life I lead sometimes pushes me to isolate myself in way i don’t necessarily like. But, I guess that’s life? And when it rains, it pours. While back I have decided I wanted to paint, because it made me feel so good. It made me forget things I did not want to feel. It made me distracted, but also more connected to something, I did not even know what that was. And now, I almost feel like I am grasping for air, trying to find time to paint again in a way it felt like before, so freeing so carefree. I have to look for those spaces in a day, when I can do that and not feel guilty about not answering someone’s email, or request. Yes, I am built that way. I don;t like to leave people hanging, they are all on my mind when someone needs help with something, and I get distracted.
And then I say to myself, it’s all good, I love my life the way it is, and then I will just paint a goose, the one that loves you, but also wants to fly carefree.