In the beginning of this year I got a really bad cystic acne on my face. Something like that happened to me about 15 years ago and after I swore of dairy products, my face cleared up, and I had a pretty nice skin, till now. I contemplated going to a dermatologist, but was afraid that I would be prescribed something harsh I would not want to take, so I embarked on a long journey to fight acne again. This time, I had no idea what the culprit was. The last thing I could remove was the soy late, so I started to replace it with a mushroom tea concoction I created, which was also suppose to be helpful to the immune system. I also went on the web to research any topical product that I found reviews on. After few trials and errors, I finally started to see improvements in my skin. My acne started to clear up and the tea was making me stronger. In the warmer months I dropped the tea completely, now my face felt smoother, there was still scaring and redness though.
I think I was on the right track, but when I look back I realize, how long it took, and how much patience I had to have. In the worst month, my self esteem completely dropped, and I know few people asked, why I didn’t take care of this quickly. Besides always trying to find the most natural approach, I am just as vain as anyone, and I used a lot of make up. I would constantly take pictures of myself, to see any improvement, and when I look at them now, I can see that what I saw as a big improvement was just wishful thinking.
I still have some scars, but I think over all I found a way to manage it. I am at the point to ask myself a question, how far do I go. In the quest for a better skin, I also found out that there is a myriad of ways to improve your skin by the use of gadgets and creams and serums. And of course I jumped on the wagon. But one incident kind of scared me.
Here comes skin peeling. Of course you can buy your regular feel good peel at Sephora, but I wanted to do some peeling. I had some scars to get rid of. And a while back I read somewhere that it works even better with microdermabrasion. Did I hear breaks? Of course not.
I went for the whole enchilada. After a thorough scrubbing, I put the full force peel on, and let it sit for 4 times as long then the recommended time for a beginner, then I washed it of. I did not read all the reviews, which would have told me that I was suppose to neutralize the peel afterwards, so my face was burning the whole night. I thought I was not going to have any skin left in the morning, so of course I did not sleep at all.
Yep, I woke up with red patches all over my face, I think I removed some parts of my top layer of skin. But luckily at this point, I have enough skin recovery arsenal in my bathroom kit to be ready for anything at this point. After I covered up the damage, I slathered some make-up on, and bravely faced the day.
So is this enough? How far do we go to be happy with ourselves? I never know what do I still have to prove. I told my mom over the phone, and of course she can’t see me, she lives too far away. I know that her approach was always the doctor first, and if that did not work, chamomile tea. That worked on anything. She finally pleaded with me, please, don’t punish your self anymore, try to take it easy.
And I saw a higher meaning in that statement, I will love myself not by trying to improve my worth, but by loving myself the way I am already, hmm, maybe with a little gentler approach.